Porcelain Tears
by Bria
Summary: A Tahiri Star By Star vignette. Tahiri's thoughts near the end of Star By Star. Spoilers for the book of course.


This story contains characters and situations from the Star Wars universe. I   
don't own Star Wars; it belongs to George Lucas and Lucasfilm Ltd. No money   
is being earned and no infringement is intended. Please don't sue, because   
I'm just a poor college student and have no money. 

Distribute as you wish, with disclaimer intact, but please contact me before   
posting it on another web page. OK? I welcome any, and all constructive   
comments to me at: swbriatharen@yahoo.com :~) 

**Story notes**: 

Thoughts are _italicized_. 

Direct book quotes are in contained within //s. The quotes come from Junior   
Jedi Knights #1 - The Golden Globe by Nancy Richardson and Rebirth by Greg   
Keyes. There is also a bit of Star By Star by Troy Denning at the end, but   
these parts are contained within quotes as they aren't memories. 

The song lyrics at the end of the vignette are from the song I Will Not Forget   
You by Sarah McLachlan. It can be found on her Solace album. The song   
belongs to Sarah and her recording company. 

Completed January 30, 2003 

******************* 

**Porcelain Tears**

Cold. 

That is the first thing I noticed. Without you, the galaxy had lost much of its   
warmth. Without my best friend, it seemed so empty, even when surrounded by   
friends. 

_Anakin_... 

Even the thought of your name causes pain and I am forced to choke back a   
sob. I can't block the tears though. They roll down my cheeks, heavy as   
porcelain, before they fall to the ground and shatter- much like the now broken   
pieces of my heart. 

I should've kissed you, but I didn't. I hadn't wanted it to be a goodbye kiss. Not   
that it mattered... it was our last goodbye. 

Oh Anakin... why'd it have to be you? My best friend. I thought it was hard   
enough when you left the academy with Mara. But at least then you were alive. 

Now I have to face the future without you. Without my other half. We were   
young together, Anakin. I naïvely thought nothing could separate us or come   
between us. Together we had always been something more. Master Ikrit always   
told us that and I took comfort in its truth. 

With that thought my mind flies back in time. The lush Yavin IV moon is   
brought to the forefront of my memory. I'm 9 years old again and barefoot, in   
the Grand Audience Chamber. Upon seeing you I had burst into conversation,   
hoping to make a new friend. I remember your surprise and then when I asked   
you if you were going to say something, you wondered why I wasn't wearing   
shoes. 

It's a sweet and innocent memory. From day one, we were the best of friends.   
We were... I can't hold back a sob any longer as I hear your voice in my   
memory.   


//I'm meant to be a Jedi Knight. But so are you. Tionne and Uncle Luke   
wouldn't have brought you to Yavin 4 if you weren't strong in the Force. And   
even if you aren't that important to the Sand People, you're important to me.   
_I'm_ your family now.//   


Family... yes, that is what we had quickly become, years ago... but recently   
we'd become even closer. I loved you, Anakin, and I knew you felt the same   
way about me.   


//Maybe you don't know very much about girls. You just _kissed_ me, and now   
you want me to clear my mind?//   


My cheeks flush at the warmth of that memory, taking the coldness way, even if   
only for a moment. I feel once again the startling realization that my best friend,   
that *you* had kissed me. The kiss hadn't been big, but it had been soft and felt   
so right. 

Why Anakin, why it'd have to be you that died? My eyes close in pain at the   
memories. It was as if all our time together had flashed before my eyes in rapid   
sequence. 

Is that how it was for you? Did your life or our time together flash through your   
memory in your final moments before I felt our connection break? Did it bring   
you a moment of warm memories, as it did for me? I hope it did. 

My mind snaps back to the present, as I hear Jaina's voice. 

"Keep watching. And whatever you do, stay with him. I'll be there as soon as I   
can." 

I see Jacen grab her arm right before she reached the door. "What are you   
doing?" 

I can't believe it. The Yuuzhan Vong took your spirit from us, but I refuse to let   
them have your body. "Going after Anakin's body - what do you think? They   
aren't taking him anywhere." 

I follow Jaina and the rest into the darkness. It seems appropriate to me, the   
blackness of it all. I am no longer the person I was before this mission. But do   
not fear. I don't want revenge. The Yuuzhan Vong tortured and scarred me.   
That was terrible. Now they have taken you from me as well. 

It's almost unbearable, Anakin. I want to collapse in sorrow, but I cannot. I   
can't do it because sorrow is not peace, and peace is what the Jedi are fighting   
for... what you died for. Unfortunately, it is something the Yuuzhan Vong   
can't understand. So I will continue this mission, Anakin. I will do it in your   
memory. 

_And I will oh I will not forget you_   
_Nor will I ever let you go_   
_I will oh I will not forget you_

The End. 


End file.
